Exactly what is a magazine?

A cluttered magazine is like a flea market. Once you walk in you can’t even see the back wall of the market, just stacks of clothes, toys, stereos, hair, hair products, bootleg DVDs and the list goes on. Some of the flea markets I’ve been to were like a ghetto maze. I literally walk around the entire market looking for that one item I came in for. Instead I have to walk past every booth and hear ‘you wan try’ or ‘good special today, buy eight get one half off’. Once I leave I feel like I’ve been swindled.

A junky magazine is the same way. You pick it up because you see an article you think you want to read on the front cover. You open it and all you see is Nike, Adidas, Nissan, Mercedes-Benz, Absolut Vodka, drink more Milk, drink Bacardi raspberry, vanilla, lemon, coconut, and orange too. Its like I’m looking for Waldo sitting in a Chevy with a Hennessey bottle in his hand and one foot hanging out of the window with his laces untied. Yeah I can look on the contents page, if I could find it, and if I could see some page numbers at the bottom of the pages.

But these complaints don’t even come close to a magazine I saw the other day. It made my university’s magazine look like filet mignon with garnish around the plate. I mean this magazine was so full of ads it looked like an oversized coupon book. The only thing it was missing was cut outs. My Nana and my mom would have enjoyed the magazine until they realized that it wasn’t a coupon book and they couldn’t save any money with it, and oh yeah, that there were barely any articles to read!
A spokes woman for the magazine said the magazine was geared towards middle-aged to older adults. Why? She says because they are the only ones who can afford getting a subscription to the magazine. Well my God how much does the magazine cost? Younger adults down to teenagers wear 4 times the cost of a subscription on their feet not even including garments and accessories. Almost every page of the magazine holds about three or four ads. There are so many ads stuffed on each page that I thought I was getting closer and closer to the back of the magazine where they put the ads of the companies who couldn’t afford a full page. The more pages you turn the more crossed your eyes get.

The magazine is probably geared towards old-older people so that their eyes can cock and they’ll have to visit one of the optometrists who placed an ad in the magazine.

Did you get a chance to watch the Grammys? Well I missed it, but I caught the Amy Winehouse performance on The View and it was just like her many other performances, uncoordinated and full of drunken slurs. Amy is one of the most talented singers I have ever heard with a unique style of lyric, but what in the ---- does she think about on stage? She may be thinking about how she’s going to keep that humongous throwback 60s hairpiece on that seems to always slide down her head whenever she moves.
Who is her stylist?
Some old woman from Jersey, who can inhale a carton of New Ports in an hour, gargles with cheap whiskey every morning, and can only see out of one of her overly packed eye-shadowed eyes.
Ok, all jokes aside. Miss Winehouse needs a stylist. After she attains one of those she should make her way to a choreographer who can direct her to a PR consultant. If she does have one or all of the three, then why am I stuck working at Little Italy Restaurant & Lounge located at 111-17 South Magnolia Drive in Tallahassee, Florida 32301?
How easy their jobs must be.

The best public relations consultants have the power of persuasion. Bravo has a show called The Real Housewives of Orange County that persuades young women that they are not living "the life" until they have a life like the ladies of Orange County, Californ-i-a. Things like sunglasses and jewelry are auctioned off at the bottom of the screen so that veiwers can spend money that they don't have to fit in with these multi millionaire women. Great way to make some extra cash!